If you've had a social media presence in the last couple of years, and are within the field of teenagers/young adults, then you will have undoubtedly seen the trend, or meme (depending on how you look at it), "I'm not like other girls". In a nutshell, it is the idea that one 'girl' will present herself to others, online and offline, as 'different' to your 'typical girl'. This differentiation can be down to music tastes, clothing, make-up, and even opinions. I will be looking at this phenomenon through a Bourdieuisian lens, arguing that the trend is a marker of distinction that can be perceived as sexist.
The High School/University-Age Field
It's important to contextualise this piece. From experience and online research, this phenomenon seems most prevalent in adolescent fields, mainly during Secondary School (High School) or early university years, age range 12-20. Means's (2021) research concludes that "endorsement of these tropes is common especially among younger women" (p.45). A period of confusion, hormones, and when most are desperate to fit in and make friends. This is important to note during this article.
What do they mean by 'other girls'
This is of course a huge generalization of girls and women, and are based on "hyper-inflated stereotype[s] of women" (Victoria, 2021). This includes, but is not limited to; someone who wears a lot of make-up, who dresses 'provocatively' or in line with the male gaze, is unintelligent and has generic cultural tastes. In terms of behaviours, the 'other girl' is perceived as uptight, whiny, nagging, superficial... The list goes on.
The ones who aren't like that...
Those who claim to distinguish themselves from this group of women display typically 'masculine' traits or are they simply assimilating to the men around them, distinguishing themselves as "one of the guys" rather than one of the girls. This distancing from womanhood "carries an implicit meaning that suggests women lack value" and is "strikingly common in its everyday usage" (p.1, Means, 2021)
Within this phenomenon, superficiality seems to be linked with women and girls, whilst substance and thoughtfulness are associated with boys and men. In Means' research (2021), they look at an episode of the reality TV show The Bachelor in which one of the contestants claims to not relate to the other female contestants as they are interested in make-up whereas she's 'different' because she likes "reading books" and "thinking" (Gale et al., 2016 cited in p.1, Means, 2021).
They also typically have a predominantly male friendship group, arguing that women are too "bitchy" (I have experienced this first-hand on several occasions), and so perhaps they are assimilating the more masculine traits to fit into the group. They ditch the conventional ideas of femininity, like compassion, emotion and care, and opt for "boy behaviours" like farting, burping, and disinterested in the personal image.
"You're not like other girls"
So.... where does this all stem from? It could be argued that the phenomenon "I'm not like other girls" is a variation and internalisation of a phrase commonly used by boys, "you're not like other girls". The reasoning behind this is often to do with how 'relaxed' the girl/woman is , or in relation to her interest "into space and science stuff, unlike other girls" (Victoria, 2021). The men who say this trope think they are being nice, "it's supposed to be a compliment" (Crosby, 2018)
Internalised Sexism
It could be argued that it is an internalised sexism, which "occurs when women apply sexist messages heard throughout their lives to themselves and other women (Bearman et al., 2009 cited in p.2, Means, 2021). This results in women reinforcing patriarchal and sexist systems even when men are absent.
This was prevalent in Means' research with focus groups who watched clips from The Bachelor, to research explicit and implicit internalised sexism. Many focus group participants "specifically referred to "cattiness" as an unavoidable consequence of gatherings of women" (p.43, 2021), enforcing this gendered stereotype without men present.
The Appropriation for Memes
This all seems very bleak, trust me. However, there is humour that has come out of this. Circulating around the internet sphere now are many memes that ironically mock this phenomenon, exposing the sexism behind both phrases perpetrated by men and women.
Photo from KnowYourMeme.
As well as internet memes, a satirical short story was written in the New Yorker by Olivia De Recat (2017) that I recommend reading after this post.
Is there a solution?
This issue takes place in a larger field of sexism and internalised sexism that needs to be researched further. This phenomenon is a relatively small part of a patriarchal system that makes women and girls inferior to men. Even if this phenomenon were to disappear, a new one could easily take its place (see "Pick me Girls" phenomenon) whilst we still live under a patriarchal system.
Bibliography
De Recat, O. 2012. I'm not like other girls. The New Yorker 13 October. Available at: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/im-not-like-other-girls [Accessed: 10 February 2022].
Crosby, R. 2018. 'You're not like other girls is an Ingrained Sexist Stereotype' Study Breaks March 8. Available at: https://studybreaks.com/culture/not-like-other-girls/ [Accessed: 10 February 2022].
Victoria, J. 202. "You're Not Like Other Girls" Isn't a Compliment An Injustice Mag 15 Jan. Available at: https://aninjusticemag.com/youre-not-like-other-girls-isnt-a-compliment-430874d35bd [Accessed: 10 February 2022].
Means, K. K. 2021. ‘‘Not Like Other Girls’: Implicit and Explicit Dimensions of Internalized Sexism and Behavioral Outcomes. MSc Thesis, Western Washington University. Available at: https://cedar.wwu.edu/wwuet. [Accessed: 10 February 2022].
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